Shit Sass Says

Everyone always says “kids say the darndest things” and maybe I am biased, but sass says the most hilarious shit these days.  She has an opinion and a theory on EVERYTHING.  I was starting to get worried she maybe didn’t get my sense of humor gene but I think she just took some time to start expressing herself because she is HILARIOUS now.  Here is a run down of a few of the hilarious things she has said the past few weeks.

Eating cookies with my dad at the kitchen table she was nagging him to go play with her. My dad calmly replied “let me finish my cookie and we can go play.” Very seriously she looked at him and went “Pop you get a belly ache and poop if you eat cookies, come on!”

On the same belly ache story line, she had a little bit of a belly ache a few weeks ago.  I have apparently told her not to drink the bath water a couple 100+ times because she looked at me real serious, slightly in pain from her belly ache and replied “I drink the water in the bath, I have a belly ache and poop mommy.”  (I monitor her baths very closely, she never drinks the water anymore so I know it must have just been a little bug or something not agreeing with her) At least I know it’s not going in one ear and out the other!

A few weeks ago we took her to see her great grandparents and as we were walking in she screamed “ohhh mommy old people live here!!!!!”  I replied “It’s Grammy and Papa’s house, that’s not nice to say.”  And that was that!

I made the mistake of teaching her the “damn daniel” trend… It was really very hilarious and caused me to nearly pass out from laughing too hard.  Then she started running around the whole night screaming “DAAAAAMNNNN Oliver!” at our one pug.  I had to come up with a new catchy saying so we went with “woahhhhhh zo!” so she screams that at the other pug now.  Whewwww dodged a bullet with that one.

The first few weeks that we could feel baby brother kick around in my belly I made sure she got to put her hand on my belly to feel.  I just thought it would be the coolest thing for her to feel.  More often than not she was totally irritated that I made her take time out of her busy schedule to put her hand on my stomach, but a lot of times she was more or less just very curious about “what he doning in there???”  I explained he is growing and wiggling and kicking around.  Ever so seriously and completely disgusted with me she replied “Mommy he no kick a soccer ball!!! He a baby and too little!!!!” Obviously…what was I thinking?

We have a nightly routine before bed time, Sass gets a bath, she has a snack, has quiet time and watches a show or two on the couch then is in bed between 7 and 730.  Last night she did her nightly thing then said goodnight to her daddy and then she has to get really close to my belly and scream “NIGHT BABY BROTHER!!!”  (The poor kid will most likely stay in forever due to this activity, he is probably scared shitless of the chaos outside). After the 2 minutes of up close screaming at my belly, she stopped dead in her tracks and looked at me and went “Mommy when he come out?? He take EVERRRR!” (I assume she meant forever) I replied “Soon baby, he will be here soon.  He has to get a little bigger and stronger then he will be here.”  She seemed satisfied with that explanation then gave me a look of confusion and asked “Mommy how he get out of there???”  (I have been dreading this conversation all of my pregnancy and honestly was surprised we made it 7 months without any questions asked).  I said “Well he knows how to get out, he finds a way like all babies do.” She also seemed accepting of that explanation then I saw a light bulb go off . “MOMMY YOU HAVE A ZIPPER!!!!! Let me see your zipper!!!!!”  (She also says zipper like “zippa” as if she is British so it made the moment even more hilarious)

I can’t wait for all of the funny questions and statements that will soon come when baby brother actually does arrive and she realizes her downstairs is different than his! These past few months with her I will cherish so much and laugh for years to come at all of the funny things she has said, but nothing will compare to seeing her with her new baby brother in a few weeks and the fun conversations we get to have as she gets older!!

Here is sass with her post-gymnastics donut this past weekend!

ella march 2016


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