There are a million stereotypes in the world. Our household is a living toddler stereotype….A Toddler Typical. Here are some of our Toddler Typicals.
1.) Food everywhere. I have found blueberries collecting all over my house lately. (Sass is going through a big blueberry phase…in turn so are her craps) She recently discovered juice boxes and knows how to open them herself. So we have a very large collection of straws, straw wrappers, and on occasion a random “boxy” stashed in places like under the couch. My house looks like we are starring in an episode of “Doomsday Preppers” with the sheer amount of food I have collected from random places. Oh look tiny Winnie the Pooh jewelry box, how cute. Does sass have collectibles in there? No, she has two tiny cherry tomatoes. Why is there a small food drive of canned goods in front of the entertainment center you ask? Ohhhh she is just feeding her Mickey and Minnie figurines some lunch. Then built a tower and knocked it down. If I clean it up she will spazz. So a can or two got shoved under the couch or shoved in a drawer without my knowledge.
2.) Bath Toys. Originally we were going to designate the hall bathroom just for sass. Keep all her junk in there etc. That never happened, she showers in the master bathroom. 9/10 I badly injure myself while in the shower because I have slipped on a foam letter or stepped in a small tupperware. Why is there tupperware in the bathtub you may ask? Well sometimes I have to coax her into the bathtub with berries, ice cream, the occasional m&m just so I can wash her, then we have a tea party. I suppose the hall bathroom is also sass’s. There are a few foam letters and of course bath tub duckies in there as well. From when her dad is showering and sass feels the need to treat him as if he is a stripper and throw toys at him while he showers. “Duckies will make ya dance, duckies will make ya dance”
3.) The sheer amount of times I have said “I am not going to tell you again” I always tell her again. “You can’t ride the pugs” “You have to wear clothes” “You are not wearing clothes you can’t go outside, its 2 degrees” “You cannot feed the pugs play doh” “Get out of the dog cage” “You cannot have ice cream for breakfast….no not even with sprinkles” “Please stop twirling around in the curtains” (thanks a lot for that last one Anna from Frozen) “Please stop playing with the blinds.” ” Pleae get down from the pantry shelves” “Please shut the fridge” “You can’t climb in the freezer”
4.) Diapers. Everywhere. All over. Usually clean ones. The occasional pee diaper I set on the top stair to be carried down. Because my child refuses to be potty trained. We really went hard on that front for 3 days. On day 3 she started flipping her shit when asked if she had to go potty. Then her shit really did flip….while I was cleaning out her motorized BMW that she peed in, she went and shit in the curtains. Yes that happened. For our sanity we reverted back to diapers til shes more cooperative and stops pissing in toys or shitting on the tapestries.
5.) Toys. No longer designated to one room. Toys in EVERY SINGLE ROOM OF MY HOME.
6.) Random balls of play-doh stashed in secret hiding spots. Like the hall table, a vase, under the couch, dog cage. On the chairs under the kitchen table. Stuck in the sliding door track. And Stickers. I have stickers all over the place. And always stuck to myself also.
7.) Ice cream negotiations on the reg.
8.) Hidden cups of curdled milk…cheese. Basically it is cheese.
9.) Stickiness. EVERYWHERE. ALL OVER. I caught her spitting apple juice in her toy kitchen sink today. “Hot tea” She was apparently making hot tea.
10.) Timeout. Sass is in timeout more times a day than I can count. This morning it was because she laid on the ground crying and screaming because I removed the “cape” (aka her blanket) she had shoved under the dogs collar. My poor pugs.
My tiny toddler tyrant at her finest. Enjoying some ice cream last week.