Looking back, I don’t think I realized how much college prepared me for motherhood. Ways that motherhood is like college.
You see one of the following two types of people….The “get naked” all the time kid or the “I fall asleep anywhere” kid. Sometimes if you’re lucky, you get both. My offspring unfortunately is the naked kind. Flashback to college, random floozies without shirts playing beer pong and “Wastey Pants Wayne” passed out against the wall over there as kids draw wieners on his face with a sharpie.
Oh look more dishes caked in macaroni and cheese. Sweet. If I leave it long enough maybe my roomie will clean them. Never mind, let me get the sander out to grind off the caked on noodles.
Random cups with fermented liquid in them. Wait, how long has this been under the couch?
Stains on the carpet, because obviously the tipsy can walk around with an open container. What the hell is that on the ceiling? Are you an acrobat? How did you get that up there?
What? Why is my toothbrush in the blender?
4am wakeup call from your roomie. Only this one is two and a half feet tall, pulling open your lashes, and screaming “UP!” at the top of her lungs…
The very quiet tiptoe through the hallway so you don’t wake your roomie.
What just broke? My parents are going to kill me. Wait, nope don’t live with my parents, but sure as shit my tall roomie is gonna be pissed that the tiny, tipsy one just chucked the playstation off the back of the couch.
GET OFF THE TABLE. DO NOT STAND ON THE TABLE. GET OFF THE DAMN TABLE. Fine, just don’t get hurt.
The ever long struggle of trying coerce someone into bed for 90 minutes…
The stares in a restaurant or public place because the tiny one just can’t use her indoor voice.
I don’t think doing a flip in heels is really the best decision, but carry on anyways. I will be here to tend to your injuries when you’re finished.