I Now Pronounce You “Dickey” and Wife

This past weekend my sister got married. It was a gorgeous day and she was a beautiful bride. Now that she is safely off enjoying a Piña Colada in Meheeeeco, I feel relaxed. Planning a wedding is so much work, but everything went off without a hitch. Nobody frickin told me how hard it is to be in a wedding and also contain a rabid 2 year old flower girl. God bless my dad and his secret stash of m&ms for sass.

Before the 12:30 ceremony alone, sass tried to rip my necklace off, tackle the ring bearer, and also rip off the bride’s veils approximately forty-threve times. “Hey Auntie let me get that napkin off your head….(yank)” insert 72 curse words here and me trying to calm everyone’s nerves.

During the ceremony she scootched her little patootie down the aisle beautifully and I swiftly  passed her to my in laws where they kept her snacking to prevent any “sass shouting  outbursts”. Only a few times did she scream to just hear her voice echo in the church. I also apologize to any attendees who thought she was shouting “Dickey” during the vows. I mean, she waaaaaas shouting that, but it means “Mickey”, don’t confuse it with dicks.

Insert a few more veil yanks and a spit on the alter and that about sums up the ceremony and pics after. She boogied down at the reception and we had to hog tie her to prevent any bride and/or cake table tackling. . (Please see the first dance and reference the roomie wrangling sass in the background) At one point I looked like I was leading a preschool class of little girls in the hokey pokey, then I proceeded to sit under the head table with 3 girls under age 6.

Overall, a great weekend. Exhausting, but great.  Sass thinks she needs to wear her fancy flower girl kicks all the time and she needs to sport “a hat” like her aunt did the whole day. Not a hat, kid. That’s my bra.

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